Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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