He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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