you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
