the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
