I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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