please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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