i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
