You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
