no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
