He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
