Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize