Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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