Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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