You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize