what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
