these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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