I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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