If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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