What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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