he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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