Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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