It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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