I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
