Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
