I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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