I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
