Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
