It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize