last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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