Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
