he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize