he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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