there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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