it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
