once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
