That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
