Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He felt like a one man threesome
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
