I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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