I must be too annoying 4 u.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
