He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
