she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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