I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We had to coat check the pizza.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
