Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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