We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
