Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just had sex bonerless
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
