Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
