I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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