were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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