hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize