If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We need a shit load of segways right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
