to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
