checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
