Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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