Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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