my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
