We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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