i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
