I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
