bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
