I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
