I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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