Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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