You made me cry and you don't even care
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
