Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
