I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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